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A commercial traveler was driving through the Scottish Highlands when his car broke down.

There was a cottage nearby, so he went up to it and knocked on the door. The door opened to reveal a burly Highlander.

“My car has broken down,” said the traveler. “Do you know where I can spend the night?”

“Why, right here, of course!” said the Scot. “Come in and avail yourself of our world-famous hospitality.” The traveler entered the humble but cozy residence.

“Jeannie!” shouted the host in the direction of the kitchen, and in response to his call, his beautiful daughter appeared. “Jeannie, make a meal for the gentleman and remember to uphold our great tradition of Highland hospitality.”

The traveler soon was feasting on an appetizing meal; the girl indeed had spared no effort to extend Highland hospitality to the guest.

“And now,” said the Highlander, “I’m afraid I must go out and milk the cows, but just make yourself at home and take full advantage of our world-famous Highland hospitality.”

No sooner had the door closed behind him than the traveler set about seducing the lovely daughter. In no time at all, he had her on the floor and was on top of her. Suddenly the door opened and there stood the Highlander. He took one look at what was going on and his face turned purple with rage.

He dropped his two buckets of milk with a crash and screamed, “After all I have been saying about Highland hospitality, you do this! Arch your back, woman, and take the poor man’s balls off the cold floor!”

2005 superbowl commercial

Commercial from 2006 superbowl

’nuff said

Katie Holmes Flashing

Why we all love webcams. Wait till after the ad

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

After retiring, I went to the social security office to apply for Social
Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my
age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the
woman that I was very sorry but I seemed to have left my wallet at home.

“I will have to go home and come back later.”

The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.”

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me”, and she
processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the social security
office.

She says, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.