Underground Video Users Group - UVUG.com

A Chinese man comes home late one night from a bar and goes upstairs to his bedroom, where his wife is sleeping.

He wakes her up and asks, “Honey, how about a little 69?”

His wife replies angrily, “You come home, middle of the night, and you want me to go downstairs and make you Mongolian beef with mushrooms?!?”

A Texas businessman is in town to meet with a large Japanese corporation. The meeting is set for a golf course the next day, so that night, the Texan decides to get some entertainment in the form of a hooker. Considering his meeting, he selects a Japanese hooker.

While they are having sex, she keeps screaming, “Ding Wa! Ding Wa!” Thinking that this must mean “great” or “awesome,” he prepares to use it to impress his business associates.

So the next day, while golfing, one of the Japanese men tees it up and gets a hole in one! The Texan looks at him and says, “Ding Wa!”

The Japanese man looks up curiously and asks, “What do you mean ‘wrong hole?’”

Barbara Walters had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, noting then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
Recently she returned to Kuwait and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

Ms. Walters approached one of the women for an explanation. “This is marvelous,” she said. “What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?”

The Kuwaiti woman replied, “Land mines.”

A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!” The wrestler nodded in acknowledgement.

As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.

A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t even watch the ending.

Suddenly, there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to watch the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian’s back hit the mat with a thud, and the American collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”

The wrestler answered, “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.”

“So,” the trainer exclaimed, “that finished him off, did it?”

“No, but you’d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!”